Nathan's Christmas Carol
by Serena Thorn
Summary: A bit of Heroes, a bit of A Christmas Carol - with a few changes, of course. Contains Petrellicest. Don't like, don't read
1. Chapter 1

Rating: R (mostly for language and dark themes)  
Spoilers: Mild S3  
Disclaimer: Heroes is not owned by me, but by Tim Kring. I'm simply borrowing these characters for non-profit entertainment.  


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Chapter 1/4. Christmas Eve 2011:

"What's with Scrooge?" Sylar quietly asked Claire as they took a seat at the immaculately set dining room table for Angela's annual Christmas Eve dinner.

"You know President Petrelli," she sighed. "Never happy unless he's able to start a war on the biggest holiday of the year."

"Sounds like he's halfway there as it is," he commented as they all heard the commotion coming from the foyer of the Petrelli home.

"Why'd you even bother to come here?!" Peter demanded.

"Ma wanted me here, just like she does every year. It doesn't matter to her where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing," Nathan replied, struggling to keep his voice from escalating like Peter's already had.

"Because what's happening on the other side of the world is so much more important than spending Christmas Eve dinner with your family, I get it!"

Peter knew he shouldn't have been so angry. But he was so sick of his brother ignoring him again. He barely saw him as it was and now he felt they were barely even acquaintances. He wanted his brother back, but ever since he had been elected President their relationship had taken a turn for the worse.

Tracy hadn't made it any easier, seeming to him more as a parasite as hungry for power as their father had been than his brother's wife. She hadn't even married him because she loved him, they all knew that. She was only after the prestige of being the First Lady.

"You have no idea what I have to deal with every day, Peter. I can't help that I can't make special arrangements to see any of you," Nathan fired back.

"You could if you wanted to," Peter spat before storming back into the dining room and pouring himself another drink. The stronger the better, he decided. There was nothing about this night he wanted to remember.

Angela only sighed as her eldest son followed her youngest back into the room.

"Now that we're all here, do you think we could simply try to have a civil family dinner for once?" she asked her family.

"Of course, Mrs. Petrelli," Tracy brilliantly smiled to the older woman before glancing to her still silently fuming husband and his equally angry brother. "This is a lovely dinner you've had prepared for us. Thank you for inviting all of us to Christmas dinner."

"Think nothing of it, my dear," Angela smiled in her best plastic politeness. She knew her daughter-in-law had great plans to be the new matriarch of the Petrelli family and it angered her to no end. Tracy was pleasant enough when it counted, but Angela knew too well what lurked within her mind. She had been on Arthur's side until the end, after all.

"Yeah, my dad's sorry he couldn't make it -" Claire stated, trying to ease the tension but Angela cut her off.

"I'm sure he is, dear. But he's on a very important assignment so it's alright."

"Never mind the important assignments the rest of us have," Nathan muttered.

It took all Peter had not to lunge across the table at that. Though he suspected Sylar was holding him back at least somewhat. "Noah isn't blood. Some of us are," he stated before standing to get another drink.

"Peter, I do wish you would take it easy. It's only six o'clock," Angela told him.

"Ma, if he wants to be a little brat, I say let him. The hangover he'll have tomorrow might teach him a thing or two," Nathan replied.

"I'm not a child," he spat.

"Then quit acting like one," Nathan fired.

That was too much for Peter, who then hurled the now empty glass bottle at his brother's head.

"Peter!" Angela cried as the glass hit the floor and shattered on impact.

"That's it," Nathan stated as he got up from his seat. "I'm not staying where I'm not welcome."

"Right, use any excuse to leave just like you always do," Peter told him.

"You're a son of a bitch, Peter. You just tried to kill me and now you want to blame me for leaving because of it -"

"You know better than anyone if I was going to try to kill you I'd use a gun again. I just wanted to slap some sense back into you."

"Enough!" Tracy cried as she leapt from her seat. "You two are brothers! What's the matter with you?!"

"He is not my brother. We may have the same parents, but that's it. I'm done. Have a nice life, Pete," Nathan fumed before grabbing his coat and storming out to his car, leaving Tracy behind.

"And you thought I'd be the one to make a scene," Sylar muttered to Claire.

"And he thought his illegitimate daughter would be the one to cause him the most trouble," she replied.

"Peter, you go after Nathan right now," their mother demanded.

"Forget it, we're better off without him."

"Peter, you're trashed, just go home and sleep it off," Sylar told him, finally rising from his seat.

"Back off, Sylar. You might be my nephew-in-law and for a few weeks we may have been brothers, but don't think I'm gonna take your advice," he spat before shrugging him off.

"Sylar's right," Tracy agreed.

"Fuck you, harpy," Peter replied to her. He still cared too much about Nathan to kill him, no matter how angry he was. But as he blamed Tracy for turning Nathan against his family there was little stopping him from trying to kill her in this state.

"Peter!" Angela cried. Peter may not have currently been seated at her dining room table, but she still wouldn't tolerate profanity in her home.

"Never mind, thanks for dinner, Mom," he stated before silently deciding to take Sylar's advice. He couldn't stand to be in that house for another minute.

He knew he was drunk, he wasn't stupid enough to drive. It took him a while but he managed to hail a taxi.

Each had anticipated the impending phone call in their own way. But this time it was Nathan to sit bolt upright at the sound of crunching metal and Peter's painful scream.

He instantly remembered his mother having told him about the connection Peter thought they shared. How Peter had been awakened by his accident those years before. Nathan had been mostly fine however thanks to his power. He could only hope the same would be true for Peter.

The cell phone began to ring, further jarring his nerves/ Tracy still wasn't back yet and he wanted to believe it was her saying she was spending the night at Angela's, not wanting to chance the icy roads.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Dad?" Claire sobbed,

Already tears were beginning to sting the older man's eyes. "Don't tell me it's Peter."

At that she began to cry harder, a mournful wail escaping her throat.

Sylar immediately curled an arm around her, keeping her from sinking to the hospital floor and took the phone from her slender hand.

"Nathan?" he asked.

"What happened?" he asked, trying to keep his own emotions in check as he spoke to his son-in-law. "Don't tell me he fucking drove drunk."

"He didn't. He got a taxi, but the driver went off the road, black ice they think. There was a crash and Peter -"

Another wail escaped his wife's throat, sufficing for Nathan's answer.

On complete auto pilot for the rest of the conversation, Nathan knew he was too shaken to even consider going to the hospital. He couldn't see his brother dead again. Twice already was more than enough and when that fight was his last memory of him, he knew it would kill him. Knowing the press would want a statement from the grieving President wouldn't be any help either.


	2. Past

Rating: R (mostly for language and dark themes)  
Spoilers: Mild S3  
Disclaimer: Heroes is not owned by me, but by Tim Kring. I'm simply borrowing these characters for non-profit entertainment.  
A/N: By now I'm sure you're all thinking "Wtf? What about Peter's powers?" This chap holds the answer.

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Chapter 2/4, Past:

"Tracy?" Nathan asked as he squinted in the darkness of his bedroom.

The blonde laughed. "Try Niki, Senator," she smiled.

He swallowed, then blinked. "Niki? But you're -" He was too stunned to correct her about being President now.

"I am. But I'm also here for you. It's Christmas Eve and I know what happened to your brother. I'm here to give you a glimpse back."

"You're here to Scrooge me?" he almost laughed. The disbelief had made him delirious, he decided.

"Yes." She was serious and it showed. "You have to understand what Peter was facing. What he was going through. It won't be easy but it's what you need."

"So I can move on?" he snapped. There was no moving on from Peter's death. That he already knew.

"So you can know that even as he was dying, every time, there was no one he loved more than you. That his love of you was what caused his outburst tonight."

"You're saying I killed my brother," he nearly growled.

"No. But you deserve to know what led to tonight."

With that there were no more words, suddenly Nathan's surroundings changed and he was back in his family's living room.

The tree looked the same, the staff having been told how it should be decorated. But this time he was seeing his younger self and Peter clamoring beneath the tree. He guessed it was his first Christmas home from college. The playful shoves and banter gave it away after a while.

"Why are you showing me this?" he asked. It was too soon for happy memories.

"Would you prefer this?" she asked as she took him forward in time, letting him see a Christmas that Peter had spent alone. It had been one of the years Nathan had promised he would be home but had been snowed in during a last minute trip to Washington.

Without Nathan Peter had spent dinner with their family but hadn't stayed any longer. What he was seeing now was something Peter had hidden from even him. He had sat at his apartment, his roommate having gone back home for the holiday and all Peter could do was sit staring at his brother's pictures from previous years and sulk about being without him again.

Nathan didn't know what to say. What could he say? All his brother had wanted was to spend time with him and though Nathan had tried to be there for him at ever turn he was seeing just how many times in the recent years he had failed him.

Then his surroundings changed without warning again. He knew in an instant where they were. Suresh's lab, couldn't have been more than a year ago.

In silence he watched as Peter allowed the scientist to stick the needle into his arm. He heard his brother tell him that he didn't want certain abilities anymore.

That living forever alone would be too much. That watching the person he loved most die of old age while he would be young forever was too much. Sure there would always be Claire and Sylar but they had each other, he couldn't be an immortal third wheel. He had always been afraid to face the world alone, Nathan knew that, but he had never known he was this serious about it.

But it wasn't just the pain of watching Nathan die that hurt Peter. It was the fact that as the decades and centuries and millenniums would pass he knew he would begin to forget him. A look here, a conversation there, the pictures would fade, he would forget the sound of his voice, the look in his eyes when he would look to him. He couldn't live like that. He wouldn't let himself.

Nathan still watched as Mohinder worked. He never asked Peter if he was serious. He never asked why he wanted to give up his immortality. Or even who the person he couldn't stand to watch die was. He knew.

"Was it worth it, Nathan?" Niki's voice finally broke into his troubled thoughts.

"I never knew -" a choked sob nearly escaped the man's throat at knowing Peter had given up so much for him, asking nothing in return but to be with him in whatever way he could be. "He never -"

"Did you ever give him a chance to? Brushing him off when he asked to see you? Trying to get him to disappear just so he wouldn't hurt your campaign? Comforting someone after you've hurt them is good, but caring enough about them to not hurt them in the first place is better."

Another change of scenery followed, this time it was one of his own memories. One he had fought like hell for years now to forget. The pain he had felt when he believed Peter was dead the last time. He saw himself in that dark room, staring at that picture from his and Heidi's wedding day. He and Peter had been so happy that day, all smiles in that picture.

He himself had been as shattered as the frame. He hadn't truly stopped crying that whole time, not until his brother came back to him like he knew he would. He still remembered how hard he had hugged him, remembering how he had never again wanted to be apart from his brother.

It was wrong, he knew, but that didn't change that he loved him. That was why he had still fought his own needs and tried to keep his distance from the younger man. He knew what could come of it and he knew his reputation would suffer horrifically. Yes, it was a horrible excuse and he knew neither of them would forgive him for it.

He knew he didn't deserve forgiveness for it either, but that had also been part of the reason he had married Tracy. To try to take his mind off of how he felt for his brother. Yet that never changed how when he would close his eyes when he made love to his wife, wondering and fantasizing what his brother would be like, how it would feel to finally be one with the man he loved more than anything.

"Get me out of here," Nathan soon demanded. He couldn't take that memory any more. He had still never completely recovered from that pain, not even when Peter had come back to life.

"One more, Nathan," Niki told him, interrupting his thoughts and changing their surroundings once more.

"You go, I go," he heard himself tell Peter as they flew up to the night sky.

Now he was standing on a rooftop with Niki, watching from below, never knowing what those words had meant to Peter.

"It was one of the few times he really knew that you loved him," Niki stated. "But then there was a question in his mind. Wondering if you weren't sacrificing yourself for the greater good because you thought he would screw it up otherwise."

"No," he stated with a shake of his head, finally looking back to her, his fury darkening his features. "If Peter was gonna die I knew I couldn't face that. I knew I couldn't live with myself if he died, especially not when there was something I could do to change it. To save him. He dies, I die. The world knows that now," he went on, curious now to see what would happen if he stepped off the roof's ledge.

Would fear get the better of him at the last moment and cause him to take flight to save himself? Would he let himself fall in the hope of being reunited with his brother?

"_President Petrelli Commits Suicide in Wake of Brother's Tragic Accident,"_ he knew the newspaper headlines would read. Their mother would be horrified, devastated and embarrassed all at once. Claire would be racked with yet more grief herself. Then again it was no secret she loved Peter more than him. After all he had considered her a liability for the majority of her life.

All of that thinking had caused him to absentmindedly walk to that ledge. They were at least twenty stories up, he wouldn't stand a chance unless he flew. It was then a strange calm fell over him. Maybe it was weak, but he couldn't care. Life without Peter wasn't worth living. He knew that now.

"Nathan, don't," Niki told him, far too calmly for someone watching another person make sure a strong decision.

"Why not?" he asked, briefly turning back to her. "What do I have here? A daughter who the world can't know about, a loveless marriage, powers I have to hide at every turn and now a dead brother. I've lived with these secrets and these lies long enough. And after what I said to him tonight, the last things he heard me say to him, I deserve to be in hell."

With that he stepped off, heading straight down. He thought of Peter as he fell, remembering how he had been there for him when he jumped. How he had caught him, how he had lost control and how Peter actually saved them both.

Nathan gasped as his eyes shot open. It had been a dream, he soon realized. He hadn't really fallen. He hadn't really jumped. He was still alive.

Without a second thought, not even looking to the clock beside his bed, he grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and dialed Peter's number. He needed to hear his voice, he needed to know he was still alive.

Voicemail. Of course, Nathan mentally kicked himself. It had to be three or four in the morning by now, he'd be asleep.

"Hey, Pete, it's me. I just wanted to see if you were feeling any better. I love you," was all he said in his message. But then something caught his eye as he hung up his phone.


	3. Present

Rating: R (mostly for language and dark themes)  
Spoilers: Mild S3  
Disclaimer: Heroes is not owned by me, but by Tim Kring. I'm simply borrowing these characters for non-profit entertainment.

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Chapter 3/4, Present:

His watch. That shouldn't have been there. That was all he could think. He never slept with it on. Never. Not unless something so severe had happened to cause him to fall asleep in his clothes.

It didn't happen often but as he looked himself over he knew it had happened tonight. His shoes and tie were off but that was it. He was just on the verge of tears when he thought to call Sylar. He couldn't know right then what was real but if Peter had died Sylar would still be awake. He would answer his cell and he would tell him. Most importantly he would understand why he was having to call him about it. Shock had been known to even effect him in the past.

"Hello?" his son-in-law answered as he pressed two of his fingers to the pounding just above his right eye.

Already Nathan knew. "Have they said any more?" he asked, still trying to piece together what exactly had been a dream and what hadn't been.

"Just that they'll release his body tomorrow. And Tracy came by earlier and took Claire back to Angela's/ They're staying there for the night, I think they're both kind of afraid to drive right now and Claire really shouldn't be alone right now as it is."

Nathan nodded. "Why are you still there?"

"Someone has to be here to make sure the doctors don't tell the press anymore than they already have," he sighed.

"How much do they know?"

"Pretty much everything we do. Turn on your TV, it's already on every channel. Some with breaking news stories, others just have a black ticker going along the bottom saying that 'President Petrelli's brother has parished,' just sick. I know I didn't always like him -"

"You tried to kill him more times than anyone," he interrupted.

Sylar groaned. "That was a long time ago, Nathan. But I know. Still I never wanted it to be like this. And Claire - I don't even know how she's going to get through this."

"And Angela?"

"Brave smile, as always," he scoffed.

Nathan didn't even bother to say goodbye before hanging up. He was losing control of his emotions again and already his balcony was looking oddly tempting. It was only three floors up but if he got lucky he could still break his neck.

"You didn't even want to go to that dinner, did you?" he soon heard a man's voice ask him as he stood.

His surroundings instantly changed again, this time to his bedroom that morning. Turning, he saw Linderman.

"You're not really here," he accused.

"Neither was Niki, you know that, Nathan," he stated. "But that's not the point of this journey. Look ahead. Telling Tracy you didn't want to see your family tonight, trying to get out of it even at the last minute."

"After everything that's gone on over the years, why should I have wanted to go?" He was bitter now, angry, believing that he had been allowed to stay home or focus on world affairs his brother might still be alive. He wouldn't' have seen him, he wouldn't have become so angry or drunk so much or stormed out of the house. For all he knew it was Peter who flipped the taxi out of his sheer rage.

"Perhaps to make peace with your brother. Perhaps to show him that he wasn't alone -"

"He wasn't, he never was. I know there's part of him that knew that."

"How is that, Nathan? Because you told him that you loved him so often? Because you actually seemed to enjoy the time you spent with him in these last few years? Because you made it a point to see him when you could? Because you told him that he was more important than your work?"

Nathan knew he had almost never done any of those things and now more than ever he was sickened by it. All those times he could have told Peter what he meant to him and now he would never have the chance.

"Let's look back on Peter's day," Linderman stated, changing their surroundings again, now in Peter's Manhattan apartment.

He was sitting on the side of his bed, lost in thought. Every so often he would glance over to the phone.

"Don't you wonder who he was waiting to hear from?"

"What does it matter?" Nathan muttered/

"He had made Claire promise to call him if you were going to cancel. He was refusing to go unless you were there."

"So we could have our little showdown? Yeah, that worked out real well for us both."

"He wanted to talk to you but every time he tried to call he would hear one of your numerous secretaries tell him that you were unavailable even for family matters. Only further convincing him that nothing mattered more to you than your work. He understood that you're a busy man, but too busy for a holiday meal together, this year that was too much for him."

"Why? What was so important about this year?"

"Everyone else has moved on, Nathan, look," the older man went on, now showing Nathan Sylar and Claire at their guest room of the Petrelli mansion as they got ready for dinner.

"Peter has his own life/"

"Present tense, Nathan," he tsk-tsked. "Peter had his own life. He had his work, yes. But love? No. That he hadn't had in some time and he certainly didn't feel that you loved him. Sure you had saved him a few times and found yourself thankful to be in his arms the two times you yourself nearly died. But when you don't tell a person these things, how do you expect them to know?"

Nathan didn't want to admit this was getting to him again. It was worse that there were no ledges for him to turn to. He was trapped in this and he knew it. Then again just a half an hour ago he had stated that he deserved hell. Maybe he was getting his wish.

"And look, your doting wife," Linderman continued as they went back to their home, now just a few hours from what Nathan had been shown already. "What's that she's saying?"

Nathan had never felt a need to spy on his wife, but as he listened to her conversation he knew this was as good of a time as any to start. She was still working both sides, still causing more damage that he had tried to avoid and had had to clean up after. He knew why he had married Tracy. Some of the same reasons he had married Heidi. Above all she was perfect First Lady material and had never let him forget it.

He wondered then also if she hadn't been the one to tell his secretaries to keep Peter from being able to get through. After all if anyone could turn Nathan Petrelli back to the side of the good guys it was Peter. The deeper she drove the wedge between them the more her position would be secured.

"I never thought just talking to him would be so hard," he heard Peter say another minute later. It took Nathan that long to realize they were back at Peter's apartment and he was on the phone.

"I know, but maybe one of these days -"

"No, Claire, this has to end tonight. One way or another he's gonna have to decide how important his family is to him."

The next thing Nathan saw was the taxi. Little more than a heap of smashed, smoking metal now with shimmering bits of glass seemingly as far as the eye could see.

"Nathan," he heard a weak voice say.

He hadn't died on impact, Nathan immediately realized. With that he ran to the side of the taxi, trying to pry the door open, wanting to help him like he had before. But he wasn't really there, this had already happened, his hands kept going straight through the handle. There was nothing he could do.

Peter's voice kept growing weaker, but even with his dying breaths the only person he was calling to was Nathan. And there Nathan stood helpless, powerless, forced to watch what he knew he would never forget. And would never forgive himself for.


	4. Future

Rating: R (mostly for language and dark themes)  
Spoilers: Mild S3  
Disclaimer; Heroes is not owned by me, but by Tim Kring. I'm simply borrowing these characters for non-profit entertainment.

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Chapter 4/4 Future:

Nathan already knew that a future without Peter that wasn't possible for him. Any time he even thought Peter was dead he had nearly been destroyed. An emotional, borderline alcoholic wreck. Suicidal, angry, bitter, hateful. No one was safe. And he would do anything to even try to numb the pain of being without him.

How couldn't he have known before now? He loved his brother, that was obvious. But just how deeply that love ran was only just now beginning to dawn on him.

There was nothing he wouldn't do for Peter. Before he had become President and even now, nothing was out of the question. Not even dying for him.

He found himself soon saying that he would give anything to relive this night, to go back and fix it. To tell Peter everything. To save him again, to save himself, to prove himself.

All he needed was one of those famed Christmas miracles.

"Are you coming?" he heard Tracy ask him as they neared Angela's front door.

Nathan stood there for a moment, stone still, trying to piece together the last few moments. Had it really happened? Had it really worked? Could he really save Peter this time? Only one way to find out, he decided.

Without a word he nodded and followed his wife into the spacious home.

So far it was everything he remembered from the last time. Though one thing was about to be very different. At least if Peter would speak to him and hadn't already started drinking.

"Claire," Tracy smiled as she leaned in to hug the younger blonde.

That would have been his cue to say hello to Sylar but he couldn't waste the time. Instead he saw Peter talking to their mother, features twisted in aggravation and already he could tell they were talking about him.

"Well look who decided to show up," Peter commented as he saw Nathan walking towards him.

Yeah, so far it was just like the last time.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked. Despite being a seasoned politician who could stop a nuclear war from clear across the globe without breaking a sweat, this had his pulse racing like never before.

Peter could see his uneasiness, not that Nathan was hiding it well. That made Peter curious and with that he nodded and walked to the foyer with him.

"Pete, I know I haven't been there for you lately and I know you hate me for it -"

"Nathan -"

"No, I know I deserve it," he stated as he gripped Peter's shoulders. "But I'm here now and if you'll let me, I'll continue to be there for you no matter what. Despite my presidency, despite Tracy, you matter to me more than all of it. Someone has to be there to catch you when you fall and there's no one better for that then me. You go, I go. I can't live without you, Peter."

His eyes had never left Peter's and Peter was stunned into silence. Something had brought this on, he knew. He was almost afraid to ask what. Especially when he seemed so close to getting what he had been wanting for so long. Well, maybe not exactly what he had been wanting but surely close enough.

"I love you, Peter," he finally added, knowing he had to tell him. Knowing he wanted to tell him. If this was still his night to die, even if he couldn't change that outcome, he couldn't let him go without knowing that.

"Who are you and what have you done with the President?" Peter finally asked him.

Nathan almost laughed. "I'm right here, Pete. This is me. I don't know where or how I lost this clarity, but I'm here now. And I know I have so much time to make up for, but I promise you it's gonna start now."

"Have you been drinking?" Peter still couldn't understand all of this.

"No," he half-smiled. "I've just finally realized what you really mean to me. What we really mean to me."

"I love you too, Nathan," he replied, beginning to see that his brother needed to hear it as much as he had needed to for these last few years.

Quickly he glanced over to the rest of their family, relieved to see them busying themselves with the trimmings and table settings instead of watching them.

"There's something else," Nathan told him, finally dropping his hands back down to his sides.

"You bought me a car?" Peter asked.

That time Nathan laughed too. "No, I don't just love you, Peter -"

"I know," he nearly whispered. "I thought that was another reason you'd been avoiding me. How it would look and all, what it would do to your reputation. But I guess since tonight's one for hearing each other out, I guess I owe it to you too -"

"Pete, you don't have to -"

"I love you, Nathan. And I know what you're gonna say, but I need you to know. For so long -"

Peter wasn't able to finish his sentence because already his brother had his body pressed firmly to his and had captured his perfect, pink mouth in a long, hungry kiss that soon left them both dizzy and breathless. Perhaps one had led to the other, but right then all the brothers could focus on was the other.

"You just -" Peter tried. "What -?" Obviously the oxygen had yet to return to his brain.

"It's stupid, but I had a dream today, or last night, I don't really remember which. But I just know that in it you died and all I wanted was to have you back. There was nothing I wouldn't do. I even tried to kill myself in the hope I'd see you again. That I remembered when you died the last time, everything I did, how I was, how nothing mattered. And then when you came back, I'd never been happier, not until now."

"What about Tracy?" Peter had to ask. He may have been in love with his brother but he refused to be a home wrecker too.

"For one more year she'll be the First Lady. But after that, once I'm done cleaning up her messes I'll be done with her. And when I am, when it can be just you and me again, I'd like to think it will be you and me again. That is, I guess, if you'll have me."

Peter only smiled before moving in to kiss him again, this time lacking that fierce, primitive drive their first kiss had but certainly not lacking in passion or meaning.

The End


End file.
